Monday, June 9, 2008

A Gift Becomes a Present to Me!

Still without a computer of my own! I really miss posting! Things have been pretty quiet around here. My family got together again last week at a seafood place to celebrate my daughter's, my sister's, and my great-niece's birthdays! We had so much fun! I made a little hanging pillow for my sis. She turned 50. It had a very curvy lady in a gold evening dress holding a champagne glass. It said, "Golden oldie? Not me!" It also had the number 50 done in gold braid. I wish I could post a pic of it! I really can't figure out my mom. We all had such a great time, and then the next day, she said it made her too tired and she didn't think we should do it again! I'm wondering if it bothers her because my dad's not there and she misses him so much. I've also wondered if she feels guilty having a good time without him! I told her we were going to do it if it's only the 3 siblings and our kids. I really hate it that the only memories DD has of my family are trips to the hospital! I told my sis that I get the feeling that Mom doesn't want us to get together, and she said she got that same feeling! Mom's very bad to talk about other family members negatively, and we think she's afraid we'll tell each other what she says. You can't stop her. She is a wonderful person, but the last few years she has gotten very negative about everything! But we're going to get together, even if we have to do it without telling her!

I've been pretty busy stitching! I did a neat window scene looking out over a beach with a boat in the distance and a pitcher and glass of orange juice on a table. It was supposed to go on a retirement card for a former colleague, but I got sick and didn't make it to her party and decided I would keep it myself. I'm going to make it into a flatfold. It reminds me of beach trips my family took when I was little! I also did a quick little bird house that I'm going to make into a scissor fob. So after my little foray into quick stitches, I am now working on the big piece for my mom for Christmas. It is a very country piece. I really like stitching with the deep, rich colors! The only problem is I made a working copy of the chart and put the mag away in my HUMONGOUS pile of mags. The pattern has leaves and the chart says to stitch the outline of the leaves in green and the center of the leaves in blue! I can't decide if it's a mistake. I guess I'm going to have to go through those mags and find the original with the picture and see what they did on it. I've got to get my mags better organized.

I'm also going to start a new piece (that will make a hundred and one things I have started and not finished yet! lol). It's a fairly simple piece in memory of my dad. It says, "Thank God for fathers who not only gave us life, but also taught us how to live!

I'm in pretty bad shape today. The last few months have been pretty bad. As most of you know, my 18-year-old son was killed in 2005 in a car accident. Some people might think that it gets easier with time, but it doesn't. It gets worse!! My son's death was so sudden! I think my brain instantly went numb as a way of keeping me from going insane! For a long time I went around feeling like I was in a dream and wasn't part of this world anymore. Nothing seemed real. Now it's like it's becoming too horribly real to me and it's so hard to keep on going. I have flashbacks to the day they came and told me. I can't help it - I start screaming and my throat closes up. I have to take anxiety pills and I'm on a lot of depression meds. Right after he died, we found a stack of letters that we and he had written while he was at different camps through the years. I didn't read them - I just put them in my drawer with the last shirt he wore. Last night I decided to read them. I could HEAR his voice in the letters he had written. He and I were so close! In one of the letters, he wrote, "There's nothing better than writing a letter to your momma." I really cried and cried. I didn't get to bed until 5:00 this morning. I got up at noon and feel like I've been backed over by a truck! The only way I keep going is by constantly praying. I have witnessed so many miracles since my son's passing! I know I couldn't go on if I didn't have the Lord walking with me and holding me up!! Well, that's my little sermon for today!

I'm going to have some lunch and start stitching. I really want to make a hugh dent in the pile of Christmas gifts I have to do! Have a day full of happy moments;and may God bless you!


Kendra said...

I'm sorry you're having a rough time regarding your son right now. (((HUGS)))

Janice said...

I am sorry to hear you are not feeling well. As you said, God will take care of you. Big Hugs!

patternnuts said...

I am so glad you all plan to get together. Maybe you could just tell her the when and where and leave it up to your Mom if she would like to go. She may surprise you, and it puts less pressure on her- if she decides last minute that it's too much for her. My Grammy still has a hard time I think at family functions. It's a lot memories.
(((GIANT HUGS))) for you, as I don't know any words to comfort you other than to send ((HUGS))to let you know that we are here.......
Can't wait to see all the stitchie progress!

CraftyT said...

I know that no words can ever make it better. But just know that there are people who care for you and are sending good thoughts your way.
((HUGS)) and go stitch something beautiful